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A 'Feel the Fear' Story

My New Life

On the surface everything seemed fantastic. I had two beautiful children and a husband who I truly loved. I set up my own school in 2002 which through lots of hard work and commitment became very successful. I lived on a beautiful tropical island, Bali in a house we built, with a wonderful family in England and supportive friends in Bali. I was completing my teaching practice in England towards the Montessori International Teaching Diploma.

During my three month absence from the school, during which I successfully completed my teaching practice in England, my husband took all the money from the school, bankrupting it and became increasingly possessive and controlling telling me I knew nothing. The more I tried to live life, the more he would put me down and he also caused many problems for loved ones around us. I could not bear to think of these people being hurt because of the man I had married.

I was extremely fearful. I knew that to leave him would inevitably mean many losses. But, on that fateful day after borrowing money from a friend, I packed a few bags and left with my daughter and rented a small house. My son refused to come. It was heart wrenching as I knew I could not continue in that situation and I would miss my son dearly. But, I could not live with the abuse any more both verbal and physical.

As the day my visa was due to be renewed drew nearer, my husband informed immigration not to extend my working permit or visa, and I was forced to leave the country. I could take no more. The school closed and the children moved to another school and I felt an enormous sense of pain, desperation and loss, yet relief that I was finally out of the situation. Meanwhile, my husband had taken my son to Jakarta without my knowledge and I did not see him for a year. We returned to the UK for the summer.

Four years on, I now have contact with my son, and my daughter lives with me; she is the reason for my strength. We chose to move back to Bali to be close to my son, and we bought a small house there providing us with a much needed home. I have a wonderful job teaching which is my passion and at the same school as my daughter so I see her throughout the day. I am also working towards a degree in Childhood Education.

I feel truly blessed that I had the strength to face all of my fears, suffer losses and be able to move forward with a different view, and believe I am a much better person as a result of these experiences. I do not take anything for granted, live each day to the full and express gratitude and appreciation daily.

I am inspired by Susan Jeffers and her books, affirmations and quotations which helped me to reevaluate my life and realize what is important. I look forward to the monthly newsletters which provide new insights and help me to remain positive. My new goal is to help others in similar situations.

Dawn, Bali, Indonesia