Opening Our Hearts to Men
'Opening Our Hearts To Men' is clearly one of the first of its kind. In a time of negative feelings between the sexes, Susan suggests there is another way. She teaches us how to transform pain, loneliness, and anger into trust, intimacy. She also teaches us how to respect and honor who we are. While written for women, men have reported great learning from this book as well. It is clear that the rules for becoming a more loving person clearly apply to both sexes.
'Finally a book that doesn't make men the enemy, but offers women practical tips for creating the loving relationships we deserve.'
'Susan Jeffers has learned the secrets of creating and maintaining happy relationships, with ourselves and with men. 'Opening Our Hearts To Men' is a brilliant book and I wish I had published it myself. Those who are willing to look into the mirror of their lives will find the answers to their problems. This book is to be read and re-read again and again. It truly helps us to reshape all areas of our lives. Women, rejoice, Susan Jeffers is here to help us love ourselves.'
'After a woman reads 'Opening Our Hearts To Men', she will discover a little magnet inside of herself that draws men to her...men who love...because she loves...challenging, honest, affirming...one of the few accurate self-help books on the issues of men.'
'Opening Our Hearts to Men' is a long-awaited major book to build bridges between the sexes instead of tearing them down. A fine, fine contribution to both men and women.'
'At last! A book that gives women permission to genuinely love themselves and, in the process, allows them to open their hearts to men.'
Table Of Contents
Honor who you are. As I touched upon earlier, honoring the self and stepping into equality requires a certain clarity about what we want and acting in a way that is consistent with our desire. It means acknowledging what is true for us despite what men or other women judge to be good or bad.
I also mentioned the film Three Men and a Baby as being a breakthrough film in showing 'macho-type' men as nurturers. What mustn't go unnoticed is the breakthrough way two women in the film were portrayed. The grandmother refused to take the child off her son's hands even though he implored her to do so, and the girlfriend of one of the three men refused to be put in the role of babysitter for the child. In honoring who they were and not trying to make brownie points with the men, the women were able to support the men's discovery of the nurturing part of themselves, while maintaining their own integrity. What they learned to do was to say no. Not out of hostility, but out of integrity.
I must say that I am absolutely amazed at how difficult women find this to be. For example, I am a person who hates to cook and clean. For the twelve years between my two marriages, I always went out for dinner or brought food in and hired someone to clean my apartment. I certainly intended never to change this arrangement, even if I got married. Hence, very early into any new relationship, I would let it be known that 'I don't cook and I don't clean.' When I tell this to my female students, they gasp that I had the courage to do that. As one woman put it 'But you lose brownie points if you say you don't cook.' (Ironically, this was a woman whose primary focus was on her career!)
In order to honor ourselves, we have to stop worrying about losing brownie points that make us lose ourselves. We can't sell out anymore and complain that we are not equal. We must be who we are and maintain a confidence that we will find someone who loves the whole package. Not wanting to cook or clean…or not wanting to be a career woman…or whatever else we do or don't want to do…does not make us a bad or undesirable person.
The answer to honoring the self is to figure out what you really want and then live your life accordingly. We must make sure that we are not so needy in terms of relationship that we sell out our own heart's desire for a little security. Our grid of life must be filled with all sorts of wonderful things. We must believe in our own strength and not hold back because we think some man won't approve. This doesn't imply we need to be hostile to those who expect other than what we want to give. It only means we have to be clear and confident...and act accordingly.