WHAT DO WE TELL THE CHILDREN?
by Susan Jeffers, Ph.D.

In my travels, I am frequently asked, "What do I tell my children when they express their fears about all the bad things that are happening in the world?" A very good question, indeed. Certainly, in our role as parents, teachers, or care-givers, we watch as children are shaken up by the inescapable barrage of scary news that surrounds us all. They are frightened and confused as they ask questions such as: "Am I safe?" "Will the bombs come here?" "Why do people kill each other?" So what do you tell the children to comfort them as they ask many of the same questions that you, at times, have asked yourself? Here are a few suggestions...

>>>You can tell them...

"None of us knows what the future holds, but I do know that whatever happens, you will handle it. You may not know it yet, but you have a HUGE amount of strength within you that will allow you to handle anything that comes your way. So whenever your head is filled with bad thoughts about the future, just keep repeating over and over again...

Whatever happens, I'll handle it!
Whatever happens, I'll handle it!
Whatever happens, I'll handle it!

Let's practice this together."

It is clear to me that the frequent repetition of this wonderful affirmation can eventually quiet the "what if's" in your children's minds that make them feel insecure, frightened and weak. So when your children express any fears about the future, just remind them to say over and over again, "Whatever happens, I'll handle it!" I suggest you say it right along with them. Young or old, knowing we can handle all that happens in our lives gives us a wonderful sense of comfort.

>>>You can tell them...

"I know you are upset when you see people angrily fighting with each other about many things. I believe that most people truly want the very same things...peace and love in this world. They just don't know how to create peace and love. What we all need to do, including me and you, is to stop arguing and start listening carefully to each other. Maybe we won't change our minds about what we believe, but with open ears and an open heart, we truly can learn a lot and we may have more respect for those who think differently than we do."

I see this as a wonderful opportunity to teach your children that we all need to open our hearts and minds to those who believe differently than we do. You need to explain that if we walked in someone else's shoes, perhaps we would see many things their way instead of our way. As I explain in Embracing Uncertainty, we live in a "maybe" world. Maybe we're right; maybe we're wrong. Nobody knows the "Grand Design," the bigger picture that none of us can see. Given that, as we unblock our ears, we might learn a lot and develop a warmer feeling towards those who have a reason to think differently than we do.

>>>You can tell them...

"I know the news is very scary. But there also are good things happening all around us. Let's create a list of the good things that are happening and, every day, add to the list. I think that our list will get very...very...very long! In fact, let's see how long a list of good things we can make."

We live in a "bad news world", no doubt about it. We see and hear bad news everywhere we turn. But you can work with your children to create a "good news world". On this list could be all the good things they see people doing for others. Also on the list could be all the good things they experience in their lives...food on the table, a wonderful hot bath, people who care about them, toys, friends, teachers, and on and on and on. As you can see, this is a wonderful opportunity to create a joyful inner life of abundance for your children. It stands to reason that as children focus on the good, by definition, they will have much less time to focus on the bad, thereby seeing the world in a less frightening way.

>>>You can tell them...

"We can all do our part in making this a more loving world. Why don't we each think of ten things we can do to spread our love around...and then, let's do them...one at a time. I bet when we finish, we will want to think of ten more things we can do. It feels so good when we do our part in making this a more loving world. As we reach out and help others, guess what happens...our fears get smaller and smaller and smaller. Let's work on this together."

Positive action is a great confidence builder and there are many ways that children can get involved in making this a more loving world. There are also ways that children can be more loving in terms of their own behavior... thereby bringing more love into the family, their school, their community, and into the world. You can tell them what Stewart, one of the 50 children in the book, I Can Handle It!, has to say about it:

"I don't understand why wars happen. I just don't understand it at all. But, I CAN HANDLE IT...

Maybe there isn't enough love in the world and that's why people fight with each other. Maybe I don't act loving some of the time. In fact, a lot of the time! When I am being mean to my sister, I am not being loving. When I am fighting with my brother, I am not being loving. When I want more Christmas presents than everyone else, I am not being loving. When I say, "I hate you" to someone, I am not being loving. Maybe I have to start being more loving. You know what? I think everyone's love counts. Even mine...and yours! See...WE CAN HANDLE IT! NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, WE CAN HANDLE IT!"

Oh, if all our children learned the lesson that Stewart has learned, we would have a lot more happy children...and parents!

All of the above are just suggestions as to what you can begin to tell your children.

Always remember that all that is happening in the world offers you and your children a great opportunity to talk, learn, share, imagine, plan, and open up to each other. Use it all...the good and the bad...to create a healthy dialogue and healthy actions. The good news is that as we teach our children these valuable lessons, we teach ourselves as well!

Copyright © 2010 Susan Jeffers, Ph.D. All rights reserved.

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