THE PEACE AND POWER OF THE WORD "MAYBE"
by Susan Jeffers, Ph.D.

Have you noticed how the number of know-it-alls seems to have increased recently? While they have always existed and always will, (I used to be one of them!), the advent of 24 hour television has put them clearly in view. They are there to convince us that definitely, without a doubt, they truly are right! Hmm. Bertrand Russell once said, "The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt". I'll go along with that!

Here is how I see it: To be a wise person requires the ability to listen and learn, which know-it-alls can't seem to do. By definition, know-it-alls have closed the door to learning and therefore know much less than they would if they kept their eyes and ears open. In fact, know-it-alls seem to live in a world of "blind certainty". By definition, those who live in a world of blind certainty, can't "see" very far or wide at all. They haven't learned from the scientist, Richard Feynman, that a "satisfactory philosophy of ignorance" is the key to learning. No, they are locked in an "unsatisfactory philosophy of arrogance" where learning is impossible!

Since know-it-alls have always been part of the scene, why do I bring it up now? As I turn on my television set, I realize that so many "pseudo-experts" with an unyielding need to be right are separating people instead of uniting them. And if ever there was a time for people to be united, this is it. So when I see an unyielding-need-to-be-right, I get a bit concerned. Of course, the relentless needs of television stations increase the amount of expert bickering...it makes a good show. But is this healthy for our world?

What is very "noticeable" about the various arguing experts is the negative energy created by their arrogance and self-righteousness which ultimately creates dogmatism, rigidity, and intransigence. Hardly the traits of a wise person! We see this in so many religious and political extremists in today's world. When people are dogmatic, they insist that the rest of the world agree with them. And they denigrate those who don't. And that's how wars are started...big wars and little ones.

What I have learned over the years is that we must be suspicious of any experts who claim to know it all. Clearly, they don't! He or she is a "pseudo-expert". A real expert has learned the value of the word "MAYBE". A real expert of the best kind will tell you a version of the following, "To the best of my knowledge at the present time, this is the information I have. Maybe I'm right; maybe I'm wrong. Only time will tell…maybe!"

Of course, some experts are wise enough to realize that this truly is a MAYBE world. But there are too many others who put their claims out into the world as absolute truths. They "know" they are right. I am amazed when I hear two experts arguing on a talk show. One gives one interpretation of the situation and one gives the opposite interpretation of the situation. If they are both "right", then why are they not in total agreement? The truth is that none of us knows for sure what the future holds...no matter how much information we have.

Given all the above, we have to ask ourselves, "What do we do with the knowledge that our "pseudo-experts" are giving us?" I think we have to be wise enough not to believe they really know the answers as they profess. Again, maybe they're right; maybe they're wrong. We need to keep our eyes wide open, listen, do our own research, learn, and then make up our own minds...with the idea that we will change our minds if new information guides us in that direction.

The good news is that in a world of discovery, instead of blind certainty, we can relax and let go of our need for things to be a certain way. This does not mean we stop taking action to create important changes in our lives and in our world, but it does mean that we let go of how we think it's supposed to be or how it should turn out. Again, we let go because we don't really know what I love to call "the Grand Design." When we drop our attachment to any outcome, we start feeling that all-important WONDER. We start feeling curious about how it will turn out. The emotional hold that attachment creates melts away and we are free to engage with others in a more encompassing way. Life gets bigger and certainly easier.

I recognize that some of you may be troubled, even frightened, by the realization that the experts don't have all the answers. But as you learn to feel more comfortable in the "not-knowing state of mind", you are much more open and freer to question, to investigate and to discover…and the wiser you become. Ultimately we learn to trust what feels right to us as human beings…with a great big "maybe" in our hearts.

We always want to take action to create a better world for ourselves and others, but we act with the understanding that…maybe we're right, maybe we're wrong. When we act in this way, we create a way of being with people with an open energy and an eagerness to learn and to share our ideas with others…not as if we knew everything, because we clearly don't, but as a seeker looking to work with others to create a healing answer.

As I said, I used to be a know-it-all. I joke that I am now a "recovering know-it-all". I used to think I knew everything. More and more, I am coming to realize that I don't know much about anything…and neither does anyone else. I find this a wonderful way to approach life. As I let go of my arrogance and my unyielding need to be right, I am able to listen to the views of others…and I have learned a lot. I also have noticed a definite sense of respect emerging from my being for those with differing points of view.

In addition, I have learned that to truly affect the opinions of others, the language of love is the most effective way to go. The language of stridency usually doesn't change anyone's mind…it only solidifies the opposing point of view. I believe we pay a heavy price for our need to be right. Our win-at-any-cost mentality moves us away from the loving part of who we are. If we were honest with ourselves, we would realize that this doesn't really feel very good. Thankfully, there is a more loving and enriching way to go...

As you open your mind,
there is an automatic opening of your heart.

Oh, that feels good!!! An open heart is only one reward for living our lives with an open mind. There are many more rewards, indeed. Trust me on this one. Hmm. Of course, maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong! I'll leave it for you to decide.

From my heart to yours...
Susan Jeffers

© 2010 Susan Jeffers, Ph.D. All rights reserved.
Adapted from Embracing Uncertainty: Breakthrough Methods for Achieving Peace of Mind When Facing the Unknown

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To learn more about the power of the word "maybe" and many other ways to live comfortably with all the uncertainty in our world, read Embracing Uncertainty. In this book you will find insightful new ways of seeing the world. You will also find 42 exercises that Susan has created to help make your life a wonder full adventure and not a continuous worry. Click here to order